PPG Center

The family and I travelled to the PPG Center a couple weeks back to see what all the hub-bub was about regarding the Pittsburgh Christmas experience. 

Just in case you are interested in making travel plans, here is your map of the location:


View Larger Map

We had a great time.  The temperature was wicked cold, but there is one benefit about cold weather and kids... sometimes, they are too cold to complain.

 The events were: ice skating around the Christmas Tree (rink and tree are bigger than the one at Rockefeller Center in NYC, no doubt); a huge ginger bread house display; and, some indoor Christmas thingy that I really can't explain.  They had a tree with more ginger bread houses surrounding it, some music playing, etc. 


***Shiver***

Ironically, all the stores around the rink were closed.  Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, etc.  What is up with that?  Most reasons we even venture out is to bet on the odds that we'll find something unhealthy for us to garbage down. 

At any rate, we did have a good time. 

Christmas 2010



New Christmas Pajamas



As I'm sure is true for all of you, it was a hectic few weeks prior to Christmas and, all of a sudden, it was over.  Now what?


We had a great day, though.  All the fun started the night before.  Honestly, it is getting harder and harder to justify the existence of a Santa Claus for our 8-year-old.  He's finding out that some things just don't make any sense.  Nevertheless, thanks to http://www.noradsanta.org/ we were able to keep the magic alive for him for one more year.

Despite this, however, Ethan was still a bit too curious to totally give in.  At three separate intervals Christmas Eve night, as Michelle and I were "preparing" and he was supposed to be in bed asleep, he snuck out of his bed and went downstairs to get a visual on the tree, presents, and stockings to make a mental comparison of how he left them during his previous inspection.  This is one good thing about buying/owning a crappy run-down house... the stairs creaked a little too much during his descents, triggering my senses and alerting me to the fact that we had a rogue child on the loose.

Ethan: "Dad, what happened to the stockings?"

Dad, realizing he took them off the mantle a bit too early: "Ethan, are you crazy? Santa is probably here right now, and you had to nose around and force him to hide! Now, get to bed!"

Ethan: "Lets check the Internet, just to be sure."

So, thanks to the Internet, we were able to determine that Santa was in the Sandwich Islands at the moment, far away from Pennsylvania and not scheduled to be here for another couple of hours.  I had to come up with excuses, fast. 

Dad: "Let me check with mom..."... "oh, she told me that she had to take them down to make sure they were clean and empty for Santa."

Preston was easy to convince, however.  Everything from brushing his teeth to making sure he made his bed to getting him to eat his beans-- each was "encouraged" by making sure Preston knew that I had access to Santa's cell phone number and could call him at any time.

Preston did almost blow it for all of us, though.  In the days leading up to Christmas, he actually was able to sneak into our bedroom during one of our (actually, Michelle does all the wrapping... I am a wrapping idiot) wrapping evenings.  Amberlee followed.  They found everything that Santa was planning to bring to them, all unwrapped and easily accessible.  Amberlee walked out with her stuffed Minnie Mouse, and Preston came down to ask us who the toy pistols were for.

Needless to say, I got in trouble for not watching the kids closer.  I had to defend myself with the question, "Well, why didn't YOU (Michelle) lock the door when you left the bedroom?"  She countered, "Because I'm too short to reach the key on top of the door jamb!"  Touche.

The kicker was Ethan's Christmas list.  He sent 2 letters to Santa the past couple of weeks, the second letter being a revision to the first.  He had only 3 items on it:

1. A Tech Deck mega ramp (these are the miniature skateboards that are the latest craze at his school);
2. A rat-faced nutcracker; and,
3. A boyish nesting doll.

Ey.  Words cannot express my concern for this kid.  While other boys are interested in the latest Wii games, sporting equipment, etc, my kid hopes that the rat-faced nutcracker he expects to receive is a Russian original.  The nesting dolls??  We tried to convince him that these are girlish, hence the inclusion of the adjective "boyish" on his Christmas List.

Defying all odds, however, Santa was able to find a rat-faced nutcracker.  Although he couldn't make the claim that it was a Russian original, it was a limited edition, which saved us from weeks of scrutiny.

The nesting dolls?  I think Santa had to put his foot down on that one.  "Boyish" couldn't bring him to deliver.

Overall, the kids got spoiled, again.  Amberlee got lots of girlie stuff and HAD to try on all clothes she received before she moved on to another present.  Preston-- he got his guns and his Hot Wheels, and he's happy.  Chrissa got iPod / iTunes stuff, DVDs, and so forth.  She's happy. 

Only 364 days till the next one.

A Year in Review

Well, 2010 is coming to an end

So its time for us to relate,

Some memorable experiences

While living in the Keystone State.



Pittburgh, PA



An early Jensen reunion

Was held last January

Orlando Florida and Disney World

Was our winter sanctuary.

We shared a rental house, yet,

Despite our close living quarters,

We never fought or argued

Or threatened with family lawyers.

It was soon after this we had noticed

Chrissa’s musical inclination.

So on to Craig’s List we ventured for

A melodious recommendation.

We searched the countryside

Of Pennsylvania and Ohio

Soon we found the perfect piece—

A baby grand piano.

Used, but only barely,

Is what the seller said.

So we offered a sum of money

That would make a crook drop dead.

The piano is now sitting

Under our living room window.

Since then Chrissa has transformed

Into a musical Van Gogh.

By June we were itching

To return to Hershey Park.

Last year’s rain came down so hard

That we left on Noah’s Ark.

This year, however, the park was dry

And all day there we did spend.

It’s a place that all of us

Would highly recommend.

Next we went to Lake Erie

And played in the water and sand.

Think Lake Erie’s cold and windy?

You sorely misunderstand!

Westinghouse’s new building in June

Was finally complete.

Cade’s 45 minute commute each day

Had become an obsolete.

From his desk to our home

Is now a little over a mile.

This made our move to PA

All the more worthwhile.

Chrissa also took part

In the annual girls camp outing.

But now her view of future camp-outs

Is borderline “doubting”.

In a cabin never intended for humans

The girls learned to survive.

They looked like emerging castaways

When their parents did arrive.

Stories of raccoons, bats and mice

Were the tales of the week.

And uphill they had to climb

To even take a leak.

At home during the summer

Our yards we tried to resurrect.

They had obviously been suffering

Years of willful neglect.

The work paid off when in autumn,

We had apples galore.

And enough peaches to fill

A typical grocery store.

Michelle had the apples pressed,

And the peaches she did jam.

For a couple of weeks that fall

She worked like Neanderthal Man.

In August Michelle left me, though,

And to Utah she travelled.

The house and family soon became

A society, unraveled.

For a full week Cade was forced

To play both mom and dad.

He nearly offered the kids for sale

In a local newspaper ad.

Fully refreshed and relaxed

Is how she finally came back.

But dad was on the verge

Of a major anxiety attack.

October came and, with it,

Back to school the kids went.

By that time Michelle’s impatience

Had reached 200%.

When G and G Jensen paid a visit

In the early October weeks

Off to New England we left

Another vacation, we did seek.

We visited Newport Rhode Island,

Boston and New York City

The fall New England countryside

Was all very pretty.

The Statue of Liberty was visited

As was the USS Constitution.

We saw the spots in Boston

Of the American Revolution.

Palmyra New York

Was the final leg of our journey.

By then we felt like we all were ready

For a hospital gurney.

Soon it was over,

And back to Idaho they went.

It was a fun trip but we realized

That we had, by far, overspent.

So back to work dad went

And the kids, back to school.

The “back to reality” realization

Seemed unusual and cruel.

So, Chrissa is now 14

And already in grade nine.

Most nights to her room and books

She’ll typically resign.

In school she’s doing “okay”

And in piano, she’s excelling

Even if sometimes

She’s a teenager, rebelling.

Ethan is eight

And in the second grade.

His love of life and family

Is always being displayed.

Preston is 4 years old

And is mom and dad’s little assistant.

Though, every once in a while,

He plays “Mr. Persistent”.

Amberlee, our little princess,

A month ago turned two.

Lately she’s been giving our furniture

Colorful marker tattoos.

Michelle has been busy

Keeping all of us clothed and fed.

She’s usually the last person

That crawls into a bed.

Dad is busy at work

With little time to spare.

When he gets some its usually

Doing home and lawn repair.

Nevertheless, we are happy

And we all feel very blessed.

We feel our Savior has given us

All the very best.

To this end we leave you,

A Merry Christmas we exclaim.

We wish you a year of happiness,

Fortune and fame.

With all of our love,

The Jensens

Reasons I Hate Shopping

No, this isn't about Christmas shopping.

Three weeks ago, after waking up feeling like Quasimoto, I told Michelle it was time to shop for a new mattress.  We hadn't had it very long.  Five, six years, maybe.  But its shape had taken on a new dimension of its own.  It looks like something that had been run over by a semi-truck, and I'd wake up feeling like I had been in the bed when it got run over.  Michelle wasn't getting much better results, either.

Anyhow, off we went to Wexford to shop for a mattress.  There are few things I hate worse than shopping for a mattress-- cars, clothes, and... keep reading.

We stopped at three stores, each one claiming to have the best and cheapest.  Each one staffed by people who couldn't dazzle us with brilliance, so they baffled us with bull crap.  In the end, we left feeling more confused than we did when we started.

We narrowed our picks to 3, and then returned to the two stores that we like better.  Slowly, we narrowed the picks down. 

We returned, again, to settle on one mattress... only to change our mind at the last minute and get a different model.  Yes, it was the more expensive model.  No, it did not include the box spring, and we HAD to get the box spring in order to claim the warranty on the mattress.  In the end, we spent $700 more than planned, and the mattress itself was double the price of the next best model we were considering.

The next day, Michelle didn't feel good about it.  We hadn't received the mattress yet-- it was being shipped in a few days.  At first, it was the box spring-- the extra cost to get them in order to keep a warranty-- "Cade, you can turn our bed frame into a platform, right?  That will save us $500."  Me: "Uhmmm... sure."  So I called and canceled the box spring part of the shipment and began plans to remodel the bed frame.  A platform bed would suffice the warranty clause for this particular mattress.

The next day, more feeling of unsettlement.  Michelle calls and canceles the mattress claiming it was too expensive and there were too many little catches that we learned that the store "forgot" to tell us.  If you are keeping track, this decision returned us to Square One.

To date, we still sleep on the Iron Maiden.  Its a bad sign when you have to turn your pillow-top mattress over in order to get more comfort.

Second item: a vacuum cleaner.  The one we have/had was suddenly smoking up the house and not sucking anything.  I mean it "sucked", but not in the literal sense.  So, I took it upon myself to impress my family by taking the vacuum apart in an effort to fix it.  What I found: the main vacuum hose was split in two, and the vacuum housing had broken.  Result: it was junk pile bound, and I tossed it into the basement. 

So, off to the store to find a good replacement.  There a million different types, but we settled on the Dyson.  A little bit more money, but supposedly worth it.

We bring it home and put it together and give it a run.  The lady at Costco had good things to say about it-- how could we lose? 

Well, Michelle couldn't get it to go under any furniture, and it turned into a growling monster when she tried vacuuming the rug.  It had so many attachments and integrated features that I swear it was half-Transformer. 

Back in the box it goes, and back to Costco.  Result: we still have no vacuum.

And, no mattress.

THIS is why I hate shopping...

The Baptism

Its been a week now since Ethan was baptized.  All in all, the pre-baptismal practices in our bath tub proved worthwhile.  There was no screaming, no frantic gasps for air, no relentless questions before stepping into the water when it came time to do the actual, real baptism.  I had had plenty of practice myself due to the frequent baptisms that my sisters performed on me in the ditch running past our house when we were growing up.  I don't even want to know what was floating in or on that water.

In fact, before Ethan's baptism began, he and I snuck into the font when no one was looking, just to make sure it was just right-- temperature-wise.  Not sure what we'd have done if it was too hot or too cold, but thankfully, we didn't have to make that decision.

We did have some funny moments, though.  Neither one of us brought white socks, so we trekked through the church in our bare feet.  Also, I didn't dare walk through the men's room in bare feet, so I wore my brown socks till I got out, then took them off and stuffed them into my pocket.  I handed them to Michelle, but forgot to retrieve them after the baptism was done.  Thus, I had to dress back into my suit without socks on, my bare ankles showing inside my shined shoes.

It was a great day.  Grandpa Humpherys spoke, Chrissa spoke, and Grandma Humpherys and friend Denise sang.  Michelle even braved the public speaking fear and said the opening prayer.  Truly, a miracle!

The most amazing part is the fact that my little man is now 8 years old.  Is it possible?  It just cannot be possible.  No way. 

What a great kid, though.  Even the bishop said, during his interview with Ethan the morning of the baptism, that he was "unique"... apparently, the bishop didn't get a word in during the interview... Ethan did all the talking.

What We Are Thankful For

Thanksgiving.  This year brought a different meaning than previous years.  Why?  I'll tell you why. 

Thanksgiving Day, 2010

• 4:00AM: I am thankful for a baby's cry.  After hearing Amberlee cry for a half hour, I decided to get up and take her downstairs to watch a cartoon.  And, I got her some milk.  And, I tried to get her to go back to sleep.  While she refused to fall asleep, I am thankful that she didn't allow me to go back to sleep either, as those early morning hours spent with my daughter can never be equaled (thankfully). 
• 7:00AM: As the second run of "Monsters, Inc" finished up, I looked over at Amberlee to see that, yes, she was still awake.  So, I got her some more milk, ate some cereal, and crept upstairs to see if I could get in some zzz's.  I was thankful to see that Michelle had already made the bed, so I was left to sleep on top of the bed spread and use a blanket big enough to cover only 1/3 of my body.  Which third did I not want to freeze?  I was thankful at that moment for the ability to "feel".
• 8:00AM: I am truly thankful to see Michelle walk in with a larger blanket to cover me.  And, I am thankful for the ability to "hear" otherwise I would have missed the opportunity to listen to my kids ran in and out of my bedroom screaming at the top of their lungs, even as Michelle threatened them with their lives if they didn't leave me alone.
• 10:00AM: I gave up trying to get some more sleep and wandered downstairs to see Michelle getting the Thanksgiving food prepared.  It smelled so good!  I am thankful to be able to smell, and for a day that promised to be relaxing and enjoyable.  On a side note, I'm thankful for humility, as I would soon learn...
• 11:30AM: I am thankful that all the milk Amberlee had that morning was not sitting well with her, prompting her to puke all over herself, the kitchen floor, and part of the dining rug.  Well, OK, I was not so thankful for that, but I am thankful for paper towels and for Michelle having a higher gag reflex than me.  She started cleaning up the goo.  I'm also thankful for carpet cleaner.
• 11:31AM (yes, you read this right... one minute following Amberlee's vomiting episode): I am thankful that Preston is competitive because, not to be outdone by his sister, and as Michelle was wiping up curdled milk off the floor, Preston decided to join in the puke-fest and vomit all over himself and the kitchen floor as well.  At that moment, I was NOT thankful for the ability to smell.  Puke and honey-glazed ham just do not go well together...
• 11:45AM: I am thankful for plumbers, because at that very moment, as we were using the kitchen faucet to provide us with the much needed water to clean up the puke, we noticed water dripping out of the cabinet doors immediately under the sink.  Upon close inspection, I found the bottom cabinet full of water.  Somehow the trolls that inhabit this house had managed to unhook the drain from one side of the sink AND loosen the sprayer hose, thus allowing water to pool in the cabinet until it found its way to the kitchen floor.
• 12:00PM: I am thankful that Lowe's and Home Depot were closed on Thanksgiving Day-- one of only 2 or 3 days of the WHOLE YEAR when we really, truly needed them to be open. 
• 12:30PM: I am thankful for telephones, thus allowing us to call our friends to say, sorry, but due to two puking kids and a cabinet full of water and a kitchen sink that is leaking all over the place, we were not going to be able to join them for Thanksgiving dinner.  I am also thankful for forgiveness-- the same that I hope we receive for ruining the preparations that had been done on our behalf.
• 12:45PM: I am thankful for teenagers, because we finally saw our teenager emerge from her beauty sleep at that moment to grace us with her presence and ask us what she could do to help, and then sarcastically respond to us with prolonged sighs and eyes that appeared to roll out of her head for everything we asked her to do.  Coincidentally, I am also thankful for the punishment of "grounding", which we promptly used after 30 minutes of trying to deal with her.
• 12:47PM: I am thankful to be able to declare: "THANKSGIVING HAS BEEN CANCELLED!"  But, I'm also thankful for a wife that doesn't listen to me. 
• 12:50PM: I am thankful for dishwasher soap... the same that was contained in a box that had been pulled out from under the sink due to the water situation-- the same box that I accidentally tipped over, dumping granulated dish soap all over the kitchen floor and in the leaking water.
• 1:00PM: I am thankful for Aleve, the great painkiller that, today, was the only substitute for liquor that I had on hand, and the only thing that would keep me from pulling my own hair out or dying from a sudden cerebral aneurysm.
• 1:30PM: I am thankful for cameras, thus allowing me to capture the true essence of our Thanksgiving experience. 


• 2:45PM: I am thankful for my freedom to throw the tools under the sink and leave the drain open to the cabinet below.  I am thankful that I can give up and feel good about it.  I'm also thankful that, come tomorrow, I'll probably realize that no one remembered that the drain had been disconnected as evident by the pools of water collected in the cabinet below... again.
• 4:30PM: I am thankful for a wife that was able to pull things together to keep some semblance of a holiday intact.  Ham, potatoes, salad, dessert, cheese and crackers, etc....  and I'm thankful for friends that felt sorry for us and sent food-- the food we would have had-- home to us.
• 5:00PM: We finally sat down to eat, except for Amberlee and Preston.  While Amberlee was feeling a bit better, Prest-o was getting worse.  So, I'm thankful for popcorn bowls, and for Preston's good aim.
• 9:30PM: I'M THANKFUL THIS DAY IS OVER.

On a happy note, Michelle did make a cake that should have been displayed at the Smithsonian.  Look at this thing!!--

Kid Quotes -- Ethan and Preston

Preston, pointing to a bald guy: "What happened to that man's hair?"

Dad: "Nothing... he's just bald."
Preston: "Why?"
Dad: "I don't know... maybe he just lost it all.  That happens to some people."
Preston: "No, I think when Jesus gave us hair when we were babies, he forgot him."

****

Ethan: "I can't wait to be baptized."
Dad: "Why?"
Ethan: "Because I'm excited to see the pigeon."
Dad: "What pigeon?"
Ethan: "The pigeon that carries the Holy Ghost."
Dad: "I think you mean 'dove'."
Ethan: "There aren't any doves around here, so it has to be a pigeon."

****

Ethan: "Dad, when you pup-pup in the bathtub, why does it make a bubble?"
Dad: "Uh.... Its just the air trying to get out."
Ethan: "Isn't it funny how your bum and the water can work together to make a bubble?"

Kid Quotes - Ethan

Ethan: "What does 'wimpy' mean?"
Dad:  "It means no muscles.  Why?"

Ethan:  "You know, 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid'".

Dad:  "Oh."
Ethan:  "How do he get wimpy?"

Dad:  "Not sure.  Probably just born that way."
Ethan:  "I think its because he drank too much fat free milk."

****

Mom: "Ethan, what do you want to wear for picture day?"
Ethan: "Pick me out something where everyone will think I'm good looking."
Mom: "How about this?" (showing him some clothes)
Ethan: "Do you think the girls will think I'm cute?"
Mom: "Definitely..."

****

Dad: "How did picture day go?"
Ethan: "Good."
Dad: "Show me how you smiled."
Ethan: "Like this...", as he proceeds to give me a big grin.
Dad: "Didn't you show your teeth?"
Ethan: "No, mom said I shouldn't."
Dad: "Why?"
Ethan: "Because the only thing people would see would be my Buckies (his two front teeth)."

I Believe

This post is about myself and my work.

Two weeks ago, my boss called me on the phone.  Without exception, these calls spell disaster wrapped up in a phrase: "Consider this an opportunity."  He asked me to sit in on a meeting that started 10 minutes earlier.

"What's the topic," I asked.
"Not sure, but I think its a new project that we might be bidding on," he replied.

So, off to the meeting I went with a pad of paper, a pen, and NO idea what I was stepping into.  As Clark Griswold once said, "I could wake up tomorrow with my face sewn to the floor and I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now."

Yep, the meeting was one where the company brainiacs were deciding whether they should bid on a new opportunity.  They were roughly 2/3 of the way through this decision process when I came in.

I sat, took notes, and before I knew it, the decision had been made-- yes, we were going to bid.

Okay, no problem I thought.  I've done this before, but all my boss wanted from me was to sit in on it, right?  Uh... no.  Upon my report to him, he told me I'd be managing the offer team.

The job: replacement of 6 steam generators at the one and ONLY nuclear power plant in Africa... South Africa, to be exact.    The parts were going to be made in Japan.  The parts were going to be designed in the US and Belgium.  And, of course, they would be installed in South Africa.  Bear in mind these parts are HUGE... something like 65 feet long, 15 feet in diameter, and weighing upwards of 600 tons EACH.

Expected price: $220 million, give or take.

Instantly, the stress made my thinning hair fall out at a noticeable rate, and all the blood drained from my face and into my shoes.  I had NEVER done something like this before, and just to make sure it would be interesting, I had 1/5th the time that a normal bid of this magnitude would take... plus, I had (have) the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays in there, too.

So there you have it.  I'm swamped in something that I'm still trying to figure out, all being done inside a pressure-cooker level of stress.

I warned my neighbors at work that at any moment from that point until this bid is due (just before Christmas) that they might here a loud scream followed by a shattering of glass and a soft splat.  That would be me running through the 3rd story windows, plunging to my death to the pavement below.  Their job would be to run outside and make sure I was truly dead.

I believe, I believe, I believe.  Hey, I believe in miracles... just not sure that even Moses could pull this one off.

On the positive side, I am going to try a new stress reduction technique.  I've heard it works.  I start my sessions next week.

Kids Quotes -- Ethan

Ethan: "Is Grandpa Jensen a vegetarian?"

Dad: "NO!"

Ethan: "My teacher said we are supposed to study vegetarians.  I thought Grandpa was."

Dad: "Nope.  Why are you studying vegetarians?"

Ethan: "Because my teacher said they are important and we are supposed to know something about them for Vegetarian Day."

Dad: "REALLY?  Why does she think they are important, and when is Vegetarian Day?"

Ethan: "Because they keep us safe."

Dad: "Vegetarians keep us safe?"

Ethan: "Yes.  You know, vegetarians during World War II... heeelllooo!"

Dad: "Oh, you mean veterans!"

Ethan: "Yeah, veterans."

****

Ethan: "Dad, was Adam and Eve the first people on the earth?"
Dad: "Yeah."
Ethan: "What was their last name?"
Dad: "I dunno."
Ethan: "Who did their kids marry?  Its against the law to marry your sister!"
Dad: "You'll have to ask your mom about that one."
Ethan: "Well if Adam and Eve were the first people on earth, and their kids broke the law, shouldn't we all have the same last name?"
Dad: "Mommy knows the answer to that one, too..."

National Treasures

Last weekend we made another trip to Washington DC.  Church thing.  We didn't have a whole lot of time, so we drove there (4 hours) and back in the same day.  It was a whirlwind.

But, to break up the day, we took the kids to the Air and Space Museum annex, which is located near Dulles International Airport, before we made the journey home.  The Museum contains all the air and space stuff that the primary museum on the National Mall can't contain.  So it promised to be good

Like all Smithsonian museums, it was free; however, unlike all Smithsonians, our parking fee was $15. 

However, the treasures inside were awesome!  Of particular importance were the following historical aircraft:

1. Space Shuttle Enterprise-- my personal favorite, but it nearly became the victim of a national disaster at the hand of my 2 year old... keep readin'.
2. Enola Gay-- the bomber that ended WWII.  Again, another favorite of mine... its size was incredible.
3. SR-71 Blackbird-- the spy plane of the Cold War.
4. Concord-- the Air France commercial jet that got you from one place to another in supersonic time.

The place also had a mish-mash assortment of odd items... the first flying car, the first helicopter, etc. 

Hundreds of planes, parked on the floor or hanging from the ceiling.  It was amazing that one building could contain them all.

So, back to our adventures with the official prototype of the United States Space Shuttle program.  As you might guess, each plane is fenced off to keep the riff-raff from accessing it.  What the Smithsonians never counted on was the sly maneuvering of small children who see these things as challenges rather than restrictions.  One minute Amberlee was by my side, the next minute she was running underneath the Enterprise... in full view of the crowds with all the spotlights shining on her.  My heart about dropped into my shoes as I gave her the Death Glare and, with a prominent index finger pointing down to my side, insisted that she come back.  It took her a few moments, but I believe the heat radiating from my face convinced her I was serious.

Thankfully, no CIA or FBI guys dropped out of the ceiling at the scene to haul me off to Guantanamo Bay.  But, as you recall from our trip to the Breakers House in Newport Rhode Island, she has a knack for threatening our lives by threatening national treasures.  At the Breakers House, she jumped on Mr. Vanderbilt's patio chair-- a total violation of the rules.  Now, it was the Space Shuttle.

I think her cuteness prevented us from being locked up forever.

Halloween

Halloween was a bit odd this year. We made the decision as a family to go TT’ing on Saturday the 30th rather than Sunday the 31st. The reasons vary, but it all boiled down to religion. And, I’m not talking so much about us being Mormon, either. In Pennsylvania, particularly near Pittsburgh, the religion is football… Steelers football.

While our hometown of Cranberry Township and its neighbors (Wexford, Zelienople, Mars) all elected to hold TT’ing on Sunday (with the caveat on their websites that this date will stick unless riots are started over conflicts with the Steelers game being held the same night), other towns held it on Saturday. So, we picked Saturday.

We drove to locations near Zelienople and Evans City, two nearby towns. At first, I was a bit hesitant about it. I mean, I had been to Evans City, and it isn’t what you’d call a major metropolitan area. It’s a small town—really small. Something like a couple of traffic lights and a population of 2,000 people, all surrounded by farmland. They don’t even have a WAL-MART (GASP)!

However, upon further research, I learned that Evans City was the PERFECT place to go TT’ing. The film “Night of the Living Dead” (the original 1968 version) was filmed in the Evans City cemetery and in nearby houses. Ha! So, go ahead and laugh, y’all… we are trick-or-treating in the very place that ZOMBIES arose from the dead to devour the city’s residents… back in 1968.

So, Amberlee was a witch. Preston was Indiana Jones (complete with fedora hat and a whip that actually made the whipping sound AND played the Indiana Jones theme at the same time). Ethan was a transformer. And Chrissa… well, I’m not sure what she was. She said she was a dragon witch or something to that effect.  She was an eclectic mix of witch, zombie, and bird all wrapped up in one. She covered herself with a feather cape, and when combined with her blackened eyes and lips, I thought she looked more like a dust mop.

 

But, when you looked at our whole bunch, we weren't much like we had intended.  Amberlee wouldn't wear her witch hat.  Preston's fedora hat drooped around the brim, making him look more like Jed Clampett than Indiana Jones.  Ethan's transformer suit made him look like a superhero. 

 

Anyhow, we hit the big houses, and the kids walked away with bags of king sized Snicker's bars, full cans of soda pop, king sized packets of Skittles, etc.  As Ethan quoted during our expedition: "Rich families give out WAY better treats than poor ones!" 

What did we give out?  Small bags of pretzels.  I guess that means we're numbered among the poor.

Kid Quotes -- Ethan

{While sitting down for dinner}

Ethan (holding up his cup): "Just a minute!  Just a minute.  A toast to the family... LONG LIVE THE JENSENS!!"

****

Ethan, after walking into our bedroom early one morning: "Mom and dad, I want a limo for Christmas."

****

Dad: "Ethan, what do you want to get mom for her birthday?"

Ethan: "I don't know.  How about chickenpox?"

****

Ethan, wandering in the house before the bus comes, taking his time... *la-la-la*

Mom: "Ethan, your going to be late!  Lets go!"
Ethan, realizing his hair hasn't been done: "But mom, don't you want me to be handsome?"

****

Ethan, after sitting down to dinner: "Mom, you're such a hippo-crip."

****

Ethan, holding our recently purchased 2-liter bottle of A&W Root Beer, dropped to one knee as if he's ready to be knighted, and while holding the bottle up to me with his head bowed, says: "Dad, will you do me the honors," wanting me to open the bottle for him.

****

Ethan, running into Chrissa's bedroom: "Sissy, daddy wants you!"
Chrissa: "Why?"
Ethan: "Don't worry.  You are not in trouble like you usually are."

****

Dad, after helping him with his math: "You're sure smart, Ethan,"
Ethan: "No I'm not... I don't even know what X+Y is."

ICK!

I have deduced, through today's personal experience, the most vile, abhorrent, repugnant, nauseating job in all of human history...

...removing hair from the shower drain.

Seriously.  Disgusting.  Can't... ugh!  Must.  Not.  Do.  Again.

My gag reflex was tested and, at times, failed me.  Though I didn't "ralph", I came close.  The Roto-rooter man must have a stomach of steel.

And I have had some pretty gross things happen to me.  Just a few months ago, Amberlee barfed in my mouth as I held her up and over me to tease her, not realizing that the food she just ate wasn't settling very well.  I also had a quick stint with the pre-med path in college, poking around inside the heads of cadavers.  I have cleaned out guy-shot deer when the bullet pulverized its innards into a steamy soup.  And, not too long ago, I stepped in Amberlee's droppings in the hallway, squishing the goo between my toes.

But, this hair removal business is, by far, the worst.  In the words of Jeff Foxworthy, "It was like [trying to pull] a wet St. Bernard through the cat door."  Plumbers are worth their costs, in my opinion. 

I'm sure there are worse things in the world, but right now I can't stomach the thought of them.  I'm in need of some serious counseling now.

Strip Trip

Today we went to the Pittsburgh Strip District.  Never been there before.  Wasn't sure what to expect.  But, just to be prepared, I took a handful of $1 bills and a bottle of tanning lotion.


Hey, Boy Scouts are supposed to be prepared, right?

Anyhow, to my embarrassing surprise, the strip district is meant to imply "strip mall", kinda.  So I'm glad I didn't bring that Speedo.



Enjoying breakfast at De Luca's

I knew that, of course.  Anyhow, the Strip District is a setting of various vendors trying to sell you snake oils, foods, and so forth set up along both sides of a few blocks just outside the city.  And, since today is Friday AND one of my days off AND a school day, we had the rare opportunity to only take Preston and Amberlee with us.  That, by itself, cuts our headache potential in half.

So, we did the tour of the Strip District and picked up some great Italian food, Mexican food, and some chicken, plus tried various donuts, an olive bar, and some cheeses of miscellaneous origin.

We then dined at De Luca's Restaurant, which aired on the Travel Channels "Man Vs Food" a couple years back.


"Man vs Food"-- Pittsburgh

I did not get the humongous 6 egg omelet or the full stack of pancakes topped with ice cream... instead, I settled for the breakfast burrito.  Michelle got a full stack of strawberry and cream buttermilk pancakes and eggs.  Those two plates fed us all.

Lots of weird people in that area of the city.  I guess that is why we felt so comfortable there...

 

Adding more "cheese" to our breakfast