Fish

The first time I have ever been happy to see a state fish and game officer happened this weekend.  Normally, I consider them akin to sucker fish-- slimy bottom dwelling muck feeders.  But, during our fishing trip to Raccoon State Park, and after having zero luck with the fish that morning, the fully-uniformed officers showed up with a tanker truck full of rainbow trout.  Their purpose was to restock the lake.  With the fish came some rather sketchy looking boy scouts to help.  We got in on the action, too.

We helped transport 2,000 of these suckers from the truck to the lake using nothing more than 5 gallon buckets.  With all the taxes we pay here, you'd think they'd have something more technologically advanced then a gang of boy scouts and some old paint cans to do the work... maybe a trout cannon or something.

Most of the fish made it to the water without incident.  Some got dropped a few times, stepped on, etc, all to the chagrin of the game warden (note the trout next to the bucket in the photo... I had to lob him into the pond from 10 yards in one of my better Tim Tebow impersonations).  Ethan's brilliant idea was to throw them in right at our fishing pole site, the baited hooks of which were still in the water.  Good idea, but we didn't catch any.  The boy scouts petered out after a few runs from the truck to the lake, but we kept up the pace rather well.

Although mom sent us with some food, we decided to dine on a more well-balanced lunch of cinnamon rolls.  Thankfully, I'm still free and able to legally fish, after my crack at the game warden on his holstered gun ("Are you afraid someone is going to steel a trout or something?").  I also told him that if they'd let us shoot those stinking blue herons, they wouldn't need to stock the lake so often.  Like a sentry at Buckingham Palace, the guy had no sense of humor.  I'm probably blacklisted, though.

Betelgeuse

Betelgeuse-- pronounced "Beetle Juice".  Yes, like the movie.

Betelgeuse has been the talk of our house lately.  Everyone that lives here, I think, know about it, what it is, where it is, what it does, and what it means.  Do you?

If you don't know, don't worry.  I had no idea until Mr. Smart Guy (Ethan) happened in on a documentary I was watching a few days ago to educate me on what I was watching.  Since then, we've had active interest in finding Betelgeuse every night.

I started watching "How the Universe Works" on Netflix.  Its fascinating.  But, I'm a science dork, so I'm fascinated by things that would send the average human being into convulsions.  I can watch with intense interest a documentary on the life cycle of the tawny-crowned honeyeater, yet have NO IDEA what the latest hot show is on cable these days, or what is now showing in theaters.  I'm an enigma-- sue me.

One of the 8 or 9 episodes of this documentary was on stars and, as you may have guessed (or not), Betelgeuse is one of them... one of the biggest-- and the topic of the discussion at the point of Ethan's entrance into the room where I was watching.

A computer generated image of the sun comes up on the screen.  They zoom out to show the next sized star.  Zoom out again for the next... so on and so forth, until this big orange-blue thing comes up, big enough that the sun, in comparison, had disappeared from the screen completely.  Before the narrator says anything, Ethan says, "That's Betelgeuse.  It means 'Armpit of the Mighty One'".

Within 2 seconds, Mike Rowe (the narrator) says, "This is Betelgeuse, which means 'Armpit of the Mighty One."  When Ethan said it, I chuckled.  When Mike Rowe said it, I choked, nearly making the water I was drinking come out of my nose.  What else does this kid know?

Well, for one, Ethan was wrong... Betelgeuse is not a billion time bigger than our own sun, as he quickly claimed.  It is 1.6 billion times larger than our sun, so he was off by 600 million.  Ha-ha.  So, if Betelgeuse were our sun, it would extend past Jupiter... or so they say.  Another way to look at it-- if Betelgeuse were the size of Heinz Field in Pittsburgh, the sun would be the size of a grain of sand at center field.  Its the 8th largest star found, and one of the brightest, despite its light taking about 650 years to reach Earth.

I'm sure Ethan knows, though, but felt you might need updating in case the subject comes up between you and Ethan at any point in the future.  It hurts a bit to be outsmarted by a 9 year old.

For those of us less intellectually blessed, here is the location of Betelgeuse-- look for the constellation Orion, and then locate the orange blob just above and to the left of his belt.  Betelgeuse marks Orion's armpit... hence its name.

I used to think of myself as a smart person.  Not anymore.  My only knowledge of Betelgeuse was the movie, spelled "Beetle Juice".  Thanks to my 9 year old, I'm not as smart as I once thought.

To save me from my embarrassment, in walks Preston.  He started watching with interest as well, and when the discussion turned to possible Earth-like planets, Preston asked me if there were people on other planets out there in space.  I asked him what he thought.  His answer: "Well, not people... zombies, maybe, but not people."  Now, this kids HAS to be mine.  We think alike.

After the show, Ethan grabbed his telescope and opened the backdoor to find it (it was in the southern hemisphere, he said... and he was right), exposing the entire first floor of our house to the 10 degree night weather.  He wanted to see the circling dust surrounding Betelgeuse, but he was not aware that his $90 telescope was only good for looking at the moon and, perhaps, the neighbors.  He tried, though.

And so, my intelligence is on a steady decline.  Chrissa, since inception into her teenager phase, has alluded to my idiocy on a regular basis.  I never believed her.  Maybe there is truth to it after all.

Future science genius

School Photos

I believe we have the cutest kids around.  Sorry, y'all.  Its true.  Below are Ethan and Preston's school photos.  We are still waiting on Chrissa's.

3rd Grade

Kindergarten

Ethan's Mug Shot

So this was Ethan at the dentists office moments before we trekked to the hospital for an overnight stay.  I was hoping the photo would show more, but you can see it on his left side... kinda.  The look on his face is priceless-- "What you mean we have to go to the hospital??"

The $5,000 Bowl of Popcorn

Its a bit of a debate on how it all happened... some say it was popcorn, other say it wasn't (but didn't have an alternative explanation).  Regardless, something happened on Saturday or Sunday a week ago that made the following week a miserable mess.

We ate popcorn as we watched a movie on Saturday night.  Whether it was a popcorn kernel or not, Ethan ended up with a toothache on a Sunday night.  On Monday, he went to the dentist to have it checked out.  Dentist's response: "We need to pull the tooth."  You know, its a good thing this guy went to dental school... had he been a doctor, there'd be a bigger problem with his advice for treating something that hurts.  "Sinus pain, eh?  Well, let's remove your face."

Opting instead to give him some tooth pain stuff, we took him home and loaded him up.  After all, we felt at that time that it was the result of a kernel, which probably made the tooth and surrounding gums sore from being lodged there for a day or two.

The next day-- Tuesday-- he seemed fine.  Still a little sore, but nothing extraordinary.

Wednesday morning, he walked into our bedroom looking like Rocky Balboa after his fight with Apollo Creed in Rocky II.  His cheek, his lips (at least partially), his eye... they were all red and swollen.  The swelling had pushed his mouth to one slide-- just slightly.  Not knowing the right course to take, we took him back to the dentist again (our personal dentist, not the dentist impersonator we saw before), and upon seeing him, she said, "Uh, not here... you need to take him to the emergency room."

Of course, the emergency room close to our home wasn't the right place to take him, apparently.  Instead, upon our dentist's recommendation, we drove him to Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh, about 25 minutes away.

Nurse at the desk, looking down at her notes: "What are you bringing him in for?"  She then looks up at him and says, "Oh, never mind."

Once he got settled into an examination room, we had a slew of nurses and doctors coming in to check on him.  They were all very good to him, but the steady string of them seemed to me that they were bumping into each other out in the hallways saying, "Whoa... you've gotta see the kid in 104".

Finally, the dentist on staff and the pediatrician got there and recommended that we start pumping him full of antibiotics using, of course, an IV.  They were checking him over, looking for signs that the infection had made its way into his eye and eye socket, sinuses, etc.  Kids skulls are still full of holes, so all the small holes and cracks make it easier for infections to get into vital spots such as the eyes and brain-- more so that adults.  I mean, I knew kids-- my kids for sure-- had holes in their heads, but this was ridiculous.

Soon after starting him on the first IV, it was recommended that we stay overnight "for observation".  To me, this is code word for, "We want to make sure you stay here so we can keep running up your tab."  Plus, they still wanted to put another dose of antibiotics in him, but couldn't do that until 2AM.  With all that, and still being unsure about the state of his infection, what can a parent do?  We didn't want him to become deformed or disfigured and end up looking like Hellboy.

Michelle and I looked at each other, and considering the fact that we still had 3 other kids at home, school the next day, and so forth, I became the obvious choice for staying with him.  I had no overnight bag, no change of clothes, and only the items I had with me when I darted out of the office to ride with Michelle and Ethan to the hospital.

Later, we were moved up to some room on the 8th floor where we settled in for the night.  It was a 2 patient room.  At first, we were the only ones there.  Around midnight, in comes another kid with his mom to join us. He was suffering from a bad case of asthma, apparently (and, apparently, the doctor-patient confidentiality thing only goes so far as the willingness of the other patient in the room not saying anything to anyone else, something I'm clearly not doing.  Sorry, Darnell).  Sharing a room and bathroom with a stranger in those kinds of settings is NOT a pleasant experience.  Seriously, for the cost of a night in the ER, I could have better accommodations staying in the Renaissance Hotel in Pittsburgh for the night... and have money left over for breakfast the next morning.

So Ethan got the bed and I got that upholstered square thing at the end of the room that the hospital said was a sofa.  The "sofa", as they called it, was like sleeping on a pile of old motorcycle parts.

The next day, we waited... and waited... and waited some more.  Waiting is one thing you can guarantee will happen in a hospital.  Unless a person's guts are actually outside of his/her chest cavity, no one rushes for anything in a hospital.  Noon came and I was pleading for them to give us our release paperwork.  Finally, it came and we left for home.

Currently, he still has his tooth and the infection appears gone (at least from a visual observation).  He's on a 10 day drug regiment to kill off the infection and we'll soon assess with our dentist if the tooth needs to come out.  In the mean time, I'm looking to see who can straighten my spine out thanks to the wonder-bed I was fortunate enough to sleep on that night.

I'll post a photo of him all puffed up that night.  It won't give it justice, but it does make him look like a chipmunk trying to swallow a billiard ball.

The funny thing in this whole experience was Ethan's responses to the doctors as they asked him questions about his condition:

Nurse: "Do you have any pain in your neck, forehead, tummy?"
Ethan: "Uh, no... I eat popcorn with my teeth, so the pain is in my tooth."  This was followed by his look that seemed to say, "Are you really THAT stupid?"

Doctor: "If you could rate the level of your pain from 1 to 10... 10 being the worst pain you've ever had... what would it be?"
Ethan: "Uh, it would probably be somewhere between 1 and 10."

Nurse: "So, are you a Steeler's fan?"
Ethan: "Oh yeah.  So are all the kids in my school.  But, we don't have cable because my mom says its against our religion, so we don't watch many games."

Resident: "Ethan, have you ever had any other toothaches like this?"
Ethan: "Yes, when I started kindergarten I had one."
Resident: "Oh, you just started kindergarten?"
Ethan: "Uh, NO!  I'm a heck of a lot older than that!  I'm in the 3rd grade!"

Nurse: "So what are some of the things you like doing at home?"
Ethan: "Dad just bought me a telescope so I like astronomy."
Nurse: "Really?  Me too!  Did you know that Jupiter has 63 moons?"
Ethan: "Actually, there are 64."

Doctor: "Before we let you go, I just want to know who is going to play Scooby Doo next year?"
Ethan: "Actually, Scooby Doo is a cartoon who plays on TV."
Doctor: "I know, but I was just wondering who would be Scooby for Halloween next year?"
Ethan: "Well, we couldn't be Scooby Doo this year because mom couldn't find a dog costume.  So, all she could find was a little stuffed Scooby dog.  She was so mad.  I don't think I want to try it next year."

Doctor: "So how did all this happen?"
Ethan: "It was from popcorn.  There is an actual term for it that you should know about... its called a popcorn absence."
Doctor: "You mean, 'abscess'?"
Ethan: "Yeah, that."

Bubba @ 9

My biological firstborn turned 9 years old recently.  This is a big deal to me... his age is a gauge of my own.  I'm 36 right now, so when Ethan is my age now, I'll be... uh... well, I think I'll be 63.

Its amazing to see how much he's changed over the years.  And, its all gone by so fast that it makes my head hurt.

Anyhow, we had his birthday party (just our family this year).  His big present was a telescope, which he's wanted for a while now.  Already, he's an expert at it giving us all kinds of information and useless facts regarding the solar system, all to a degree that would make the biggest space nerd jealous.

The telescope was a big mistake, though.  At least at this time of year.  We should have gotten it for him for some holiday during the spring, summer, or fall.  The reason is because he immediately wanted to use it, which meant I had to tarry out in the cold in my shorts and t-shirt to set it up for him.  Not wanting to be out by himself, I stayed to help him dial in to the moon, then Jupiter, then some house off in the distance.

In the process, I got hypothermia.  Not really, but I never did go back in to get on something warmer.  Instead, I stayed out in the 30 degree weather with only a couple layers of thin cotton on.  It took me the rest of the night to return to normal temperatures.

Not to be outdone, we were back at it the next night, too, trying to dial in to Neptune.  I had warned him that his telescope was of the "educational" brand, meaning we are lucky to see the moon through it, but he was determined.  Neptune was found, but it looked like any other star in the galaxy.

How did we know it was Neptune?  His telescope came with a computer program that charts the planets and stars.  He's already gearing up for Venus, which should come around in a couple of months or so.  The program is constantly "up" so that he can know what planets are in view.

As for me, I'm just happy that he's happy.  I did accidentally ignite the little plastic robot thing that sat in the middle of his cake, though.  Accidentally.  Things like this happen in old age.

Notice the black ear on the robot guy... my mistake.  Just got too close to the flame!

The Fam

Young Einsteins

Michelle and I keep telling ourselves that we were blessed with brilliant and obedient children.  As you can see below, we usually get the same reaction from our boys no matter what is asked of them.  Now, we can interpret this in one of two ways.  First, we can interpret these expressions as proof that our kids' intellect is so advanced that our questions to them are obvious-- and a waste of their time to even consider, OR we can interpret these as proof that our kids need to start wearing beanie hats with a chin strap when they ride the bus to school, dimly aware of their own existence.  

We just can't figure it out yet...

Never Trust Your 5-Year-Old With A Secret

It was time for the dentist yesterday when we ran squarely into Preston's stubbornness.  He was NOT going to go.  He had a small cavity that needed to be filled, but he insisted on staying home.

I pulled a suggestion from my "How To Be An Awesome Dad" handbook-- bribery.  So, I took him aside to tell him that if he chooses to go, I'll make sure that one of Ethan's upcoming birthday presents is opened early this year (his b-day is on Dec 1st), just in time for Thanksgiving.  The gift: Phineas and Ferb: Across the Second Dimension (the Wii game).  These two runts have been bugging us for months to purchase this for them.  We caved.

But, to date, its been in a bag downstairs in the basement, waiting for his birthday to arrive.

Upon telling Preston of this plan, he relented and went to the dentist.  When he got home, he insisted on seeing the game.  So, I showed it to him.

Me: "Now, you cannot tell your brother... it'll be our secret, OK?  Just wait 2 days!"
Preston: "OK, dad."

Roughly an hour later, Ethan comes up to me to say, "So, did you buy me that Phineas and Ferb game?"  I said, "No" (this was a must-lie situation).  Preston, fearing I was lying to him, came up to us and said, "But, dad, you said you bought one."

The gig was up.  Ethan was on to us.

Ethan: "So, you DID buy the Phineas and Ferb game, didn't you!"
Preston: "Crap, dad, he knows!"
Dad: "Uh, no."
Ethan: "Preston?  Did he buy it?"
Preston: "Umm...."

Moral of the story: don't trust your kindergartner to hold a secret for very long.  I guess when you raise them to be honest, its hard for them to purposely be deceitful when the time calls for it.

I mean, how hard is it to lie?  It isn't that hard.  Clearly, I need to do a better job at raising these boys to be men.

Diversity Day, Amish Fraud, and a Deceitful Zoo

It was a whirlwind day today.  I learned that the weather today was supposed to be good, so a couple days ago, I announced plans to visit the Pittsburgh Zoo.  My hope was that it would be a family activity, but only half of the family showed up.

Starting at roughly 10AM today, I took Ethan, Preston, and Amberlee to Soergel's Orchard in Wexford (http://www.soergels.com/).  Chrissa was not going to go to the zoo (how childish), and Michelle wanted some time away from the kids.  But, in the 3 years I've been here, I've never stopped by the orchard.  Michelle and the kids have, though.  Our mission: to find the perfect pumpkins that we could carve up, chop up, mark up, etc, and leave out on our step until they became a moldy mess.  We were able to find just the right ones, but it took real will-power to resist the fresh apple cider, apple cider donuts, apple cider funnel cakes, apple cider this, apple cider that... not to mention the BBQ, hot dogs, and other delectable grub.

From the orchard, we took off to the zoo, only to find out that, as we entered the parking lot, all the kids were in Halloween costumes.  Ugh... my well laid plans were suddenly at the mercy of a bunch of kids dressed as Super Heroes.  Reason: Ethan never goes to things out-of-place, and as if on cue, he began to pout that HE was not dressed up, too.  And, to make it worse, they all had trick-or-treat bags ready to be filled.

Yep, it was ZooBoo Day at the Pittsburgh zoo, and my kids arrived without a costume.  Clearly, I had missed the memo.

But, we entered anyway, thankful to the zoo employees handing out free bags to the kids (and parents) dopey enough to miss the notification of the zoo's biggest day of the fall.  Oops.

We grow 'em big in PA... this monster was 1250 lbs.

Before we went in, though, I had a small run-in with the ticket lady.  Last season, we purchased season passes, which came with 4 free "guest passes" that could be used at any time... or so we were told.  I presented them to the ticket lady, which she promptly took, and then proceeded to tell me that the zoo was no longer honoring them.  Eh... what?  We exchanged words... mine mostly dealt with the personal belief that the zoo took us for a ride to get us to buy last season's passes, only to NOT honor the free passes that came with the deal.  I didn't know what her responses were... didn't really listen or care.  Secondly, she asked the age of all the kids.  I said: Ethan is 8, Preston is 5, and Ambie is 2.

Her: "Is she 24 months or older?"
Me:  "What do you mean?"
Her: "If she is older than 24 months, she gets charged the kid prices ($12!)."
Me: "She's 2."
Her: "I need to know if she's 24 months old or older, sir."
Me: "She is 2, and that is all you are going to get.  If you are now starting to ask for how many MONTHS our kids are, maybe we'll just go to the museum next time.  They don't ask there."
Her: "Alright... one adult, 2 kids... have a nice day."

And so, we went in.  Hey, I figured if I got screwed out of the free passes, they can get screwed out of one of the not-free passes.  Not an Even-Steven situation, but I felt better afterwards.

The zoo was your typical place of relative diversity... all kinds of species, both native and exotic, some scary and gross, some that should stay burrowed in their homes, some that looked like they'd be dragged through the dirt, others that looked like they'd been pampered since birth.  And, the animals were fun to look at, too.

Either gorillas, or a photo of a typical Pittsburgh street curb. 

But, a couple weeks back, Ethan decided to enter a school contest (these contests are really ruining my home life... see prior blogs on the kitchen contest) where he'd enter an exhibit that he put together that shows others what diversity means to him.  My sneaking suspicion is that "diversity" in this context means diversity of people.  I'm tired of that.  So, I "encouraged" him to focus on the diversity of animal life while at the zoo.  He took photos of animals... some out of focus, some blinded by the flash, some with half their bodies out of the picture.  We did get some good photos, though.

Not to be outdone by our counterparts in the other categories of our animal kingdom, the people visiting the zoo were hysterical, too.  And, weird.  Example: we watched the polar bear play with a large blue plastic barrel while swimming in his pool.  He was having a great time.  The lady behind me, however, was seeing something totally different than I was.  Being the good, tree-hugging mom that she was, she told her daughter, who was probably 5 years old: "Look!  The polar bear has learned how to recycle!"  Isn't that nice?  The mere act of playing with a discarded barrel shows that even at an elementary level of animal phyla, we can all still learn the valuable, Earth-saving lessons of post-consumer reclamation.  How nice.  And, to think that I thought the bear was just playing with a piece of garbage...

The Recycling Bear, apparently...

Also, Preston, on our way out, said that his favorite animal was the chicken.  Huh?  I told him that there were no chickens in the zoo.  "Yes sir, dad... it was the chicken that we could shoot for Thanksgiving."  Ah, it was the TURKEY.  But... did I really pay $35 to get these kids in for the purpose of seeing their favorite animal: the elusive wild turkey?  They only run wild through Pennsylvania in flocks... drive enough, and you'll likely run one over.

Thought this was a good pic of the boys in the polar bear exhibit, till I noticed the girl in red on the right.
What's she pickin'?

And so, the day of diversity was done.  Almost.  The last note of fun was the Amish family that was entering the zoo just as we were leaving.  Being late in the day, their horse must have gotten tired on the trip, causing their tardiness.  Regardless, however, they were there... the kids without shoes, the men in straw hats, the women in their traditional blue and black full length dresses.  Clearly, they were not orthodox, though... simply being at the zoo seemed to tell me that they weren't as isolated from the world as traditional Amish tend to be.  But, as we were leaving, proof of an Amish conspiracy made itself plainly clear to me.  Old Man Amish, who had to be the grandfather, was sitting on a motorized Rascal, ready to tear through the zoo on 6 volts of horsepower.  And, this guy was heavy... at least 350 lbs.  Call me a conspiracy theorist, but... an Amish family, at the zoo, one of them on a motorized scooter?  Uh... no.

While leaving the zoo and thinking about the Amish family, I had to reflect on one particular "candy table" up near the polar bear pond.  Whereas most vendors were handing out candy to the kids (except for the hippies passing out BOTTLED WATER AS A HALLOWEEN TREAT), one guy with world peace on his mind was handing out CFL bulbs.  You know... the curly-cue type that are supposed to last a thousand years and save you a million dollars.  Yeah, what a treat, eh?  I wonder now... did the Amish guy take one?  That'd be the smoking gun of an Amish conspiracy to me: the acceptance of a modern day CFL light bulb.

See our photo slideshow on the right.

Our Love for Streptococcus pneumoniae

I got the flu a couple weeks back, followed by "assumed" pneumonia. I say "assumed" because the doctor couldn't be sure I had it based on my chest x-ray. I couldn't inhale deep enough for a good picture. So, considering this and the black spot on or in my lung, we all assumed I had it. At any rate, I did have "acute bacterial bronchitis", which totally stunk by itself.

I went on an antibiotic binge. It worked, for the most part, but I was out of work for a week. Nice to have some time off, but I would prefer doing something where I could freely breathe and not feel as if I were pressed under a Kenworth. Incidentally, I have new respect for asthma sufferers.

Before I could declare victory over the Streptococcus pneumoniae, or Staphylococcus aureus, or whatever it was that had invaded me, I had given it to Ethan, so he came down with pneumonia as well. His was confirmed pneumonia... lucky guy.

So, he went on an antibiotic binge, too. After being out of school for a week, he was cured and is now back to school.

Next, Amberlee. She's been in to the doc, but no confirmation of pneumonia. We are being a bit more proactive with this one... she's on her antibiotic binge as we speak. Only problem is that she has very acute taste buds and can sense minuscule traces of bubble gum flavoring anywhere (the antibiotics are bubble gum flavored), so we have to force it in to her.

I think the old saying, "You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" would have more meaning if it said, "You can bring medicine to your kid, but you can't make him/her take it without several minutes of tag-team wrestling, hog-tying, and useless bribery."

Her doctor was a total jerk. While trying to get her temperature (which was an under-the-tongue type), Amberlee did her best impersonation of me or her mom and refused to cooperate. The doctor simply said to me, "If you can't get her to put this in her mouth, we have to take her temperature rectally." I about coughed... "Really? Are you kidding?" Doctor: "Nope", and he just stood there waiting on me, as if I could magically convince my 2 year old that she should allow this guy to put a metal probe in her mouth (or elsewhere, as he claimed). I said, "If she won't put that thing in her mouth, what makes you think she is going to lay there and let you put it in the other end? And, are you seriously telling me that with all the latest temperature gadgets out there-- forehead, under-the-arm, and even infrared stuff-- that the only option you have in this so-called medical office is orally or rectally?" Doctor: "Yep." I said we'd need to go elsewhere, then, and he left the room-- when a female doctor came in. She obviously knew kids, and sure enough... Ambie got her temperature taken under her arm.

What a doofus. Proof positive that you can be educated out the ying-yang, and still be a dopey bozo.

Sorry to anyone that disagrees, but most men should not be family physicians. We tend to see everything as if we were looking under the hood to replace a set of spark plugs, or see everything as a nail needing a hammer.

Anyhow, she's on the mend, hopefully.

We have a love for these little pests-- those that invade and cause havoc on an otherwise healthy system. They've tried half of us so far, and so far, they've lost. Good luck to the other half.

LA-X

The end of an era... Ethan's lacrosse is over for the year.

What an improvement!  At first, he would hang back, let things come to him, play at a distance.

After some good coaching (and $100 in lacrosse gear from Dick's Sporting Goods, followed by evenings of practice at home), he now is an "in your face, run you down" player.  No kidding-- he was all over the field, putting sticks in people's faces, grabbing the ball, making himself open, throwing it straight, etc.

And, he even scored one of the winning goals!

Ethan is the kid in camo shorts

What a man.  We are so proud of him.  I hope that lacrosse stays in his focus.  Michelle wanted a sport that was non-contact, a little bit "laid back", few injuries... I talked her into lacrosse, purposely hiding the fact that these guys battle in full padding and usually leave the field bloody.  But now, there may not be a way out of it. I think Ethan is hooked.  And now, Preston wants to sign up next summer.

I have to give credit to the YMCA, too.  To this point, I had always felt the YMCA was a bunch of gender-confused guys dancing around in Halloween costumes ("The Village People"), but they put on a great lacrosse camp.  We'll do it again.

Pirates at 100 Degrees

We were the fortunate buyers of tickets to see the Pittsburgh Pirates last Saturday at PNC Park.  The Pirates are on a winning streak this year; unfortunately, they got their butt's whipped 9-1 by the Cardinals the night we watched them play.

To add to the misery, the heat was hovering in the mid-90s while the humidity was somewhere in the 80% range.  But at those levels, who is really counting any longer?  In other words, we could have gotten the same effect watching the show in a hot tub.

But, we went and smoldered as we watched the Pirates lose.  It was fun anyhow.  The kids got free (i.e., they came with the tickets) Pirates jerseys, which they promptly donned, and after the game we got to watch the Zambelli fireworks show.  It was awesome.

Sitting 9 innings at any baseball game can get boring.  Sitting 9 innings at a Pirates game can be brutal.  Sitting 9 innings in 95+ degree weather and 80% humidity while watching the Pirates lose 9-1 is almost unbearable.  But, the shirts and the fireworks made it worth the pain.

Lacrosse

We may have found something to man up our Little Man, Ethan.  He's 8 years old now, but still suffering a bit from the "Sissy" Syndrome.  So when Michelle and I found out that the YMCA was sponsoring the first lacrosse camp for kids, we signed him up.

Lacrosse was about as popular and prevalent in Idaho as Toe Wrestling.  Out here in the East, its like football.

If you aren't familiar with the sport, think of it as soccer, but the ball is a lot smaller, and instead of kicking it around, you carry it and throw it from a net on the end of a 4 foot stick.  That is about all I know, too.

Ethan had been playing a bit with neighbor kids, so he had some of the basics down. During his first practice, I was surprised how well he was able to perform.

We'll have pictures to come, but y'all be prepared for the 2022 Olympics.  He's determined to be a part of them.  Of course, making sure he sticks with it will be my own personal Olympic sport.  I've included everything I can think of to make sure he stays in it, even down to things like, "You know, girls LOVE lacrosse players."  So far, so good.

Saturdays At Lowe's

Its become a semi-routine at our house to take the boys once or twice a month to the Lowe's kiddie project thing.  


This month the boys were ready early.  Preston even remembered his cowboy hat.

It was the first of four-- repeat, FOUR-- trips to Lowe's that day, thanks to the basement project I've been working on for almost 9 months now.  I'm just glad that Lowe's is nearly in our backyard... we could walk it in about 15 minutes.

Bigfoot Is Real

While I was back in Utah trying to convince the Gentiles to move east, Ethan and the family were here in PA catching a rare glimpse at a real-life Bigfoot.

Ethan's only comment: "I thought it would be bigger."  Go figure...

School's Out For Summer

As Alice Cooper so eloquently stated:

School's out for summer
School's out forever
School's been blown to pieces

No more pencils
No more books
No more teacher's dirty looks

Out for summer
Out till fall
We might not go back at all

School's out forever
School's out for summer
School's out with fever
School's out completely 

So what has the evil mom and pop done to combat this belief?  Well... HOMEWORK, of course.

This summer, the kids will be spending a couple hours each day working in math and science workbooks that we bought for them.  BWAAA-HAHAHAH!

As for me, I'll be working extra hours this summer.  I don't want to intrude on Michelle's homeschooling efforts, after all.

Kid Quotes - Ethan

Ethan, as he puts his hands together in a praying position, walks into the room as we are watching TV and says, while bowing, "Konichiwa".  (This, of course, is Japanese for "Good afternoon".)

Ethan: "That is how you say hello in German."

Pinewood Derby

The first Jensen Family Pinewood Derby happened this past Wednesday. 

It all started over a month ago when Ethan brought home his pinewood derby kit in one hand and his favorite Hot Wheels car in the other.

"Dad, I want you to make my Pinewood Derby car look like this!"

Yeah.  I'm supposed to turn a 3" X 7" piece of warped wood into something that resembles this piece of machinery.  All I have is a couple of dull saws, chipped chisels, and a little handheld Rotozip thing.  Ethan also raised the stakes, saying not only does he want the derby car to LOOK like this, he also wants it to PERFORM like this, too.

The car in the picture is a Bugatti Veyron.  We happened across this car in Target's toy section... the Hot Wheels version.  It is Ethan's favorite car... mine too (the real one).  You can buy the real one for $1.6 million-- but, with that you get a car that is the fastest production car in the world: 268 mph.  Other bits of candy: 8-liter 16 cylinder engine; 1100 horsepower; 4 turbos; tires that cost $25,000 for the set; a personal mechanic on call (and can replace the tires for an additional $70,000); and, can go from 0-60 in 2.5 seconds.

I had my work cut out for me. 

So, I set out to work on it while trying to keep it within the rules of the Cub Scouts Pinewood Derby Rulebook PLUS doing "expectation management" with my son.  After all, there is only so much a guy can do in a situation like this.

The result:

It was as close to the Supercar that I could come.  Ethan put the stickers on top.

Just prior to the race, Ethan said, "Dad, I better win or I will be really ashamed."  After all that hard work, I was given the ultimatum: win or be ousted.  After all that work, I was hoping for "ousted".

Ethan's car did OK.  I noticed it came in 2nd place for most races.  Clearly, I did not have the experience of other Pinewood Derby engineers, nor the patience, nor the enthusiasm, nor the ambition, but for his opening race, I think it went rather well.

Of course, halfway through the race, Ethan walked past me in utter disgust.  As he passed in front of me, he hit me and said, "Thanks a lot, dad.  My car is in 6th place."  From that point on, Ethan began to experiment by letting it go backwards, warming up the wheels before putting it on the starting line, praying, etc.

I think he had a good time though. 

Ethan and Kenny Karatassos

The Pit Crew Boss

Shootin' for #1, with Preston sizing up the racetrack.

He even got his first driver's license and his first Cub Scout award.

He did not win first place, or second, or third.  Towards the end of the race, he was pushing 6th place.  I'm just glad it ended before his standing got any lower.  It slowly deteriorated from 2nd place to 6th, which was the last check before the race ended.

I'm just glad it didn't do what MY Pinewood Derby car did.  Dad put all the weight on the back, and the dumb thing would pop-a-wheelie all the way to the bottom of the hill, then come to a complete stop about 12 inches out on the "flat".  I never finished a race with that car.

Since there are never any LOSERS in youth activities any longer, all kids walked away with something.  Ethans: "Most Glossy".  Eh?  I guess that was due to the coat of clear finger nail polish with glitter that we used to cover the car.  So, in the end, all I really had to do was paint the square block of wood and cover it with glitter.  Why all the work?  I was going to correct the judges to say that, I believe, proper English would be "Glossiest" rather than "Most Glossy", but I held back.  After all, I had failed... miserably, and I was now a part of Ethan' Shame List.

Not to let a good (or bad) thing die, Ethan is already trying to determine how the next Pinewood Derby car will look.  And how it should perform.  The good thing is that with a 6th place finish, my chances are pretty good that I'll do better the next time...