It all started over a month ago when Ethan brought home his pinewood derby kit in one hand and his favorite Hot Wheels car in the other.
"Dad, I want you to make my Pinewood Derby car look like this!"
Yeah. I'm supposed to turn a 3" X 7" piece of warped wood into something that resembles this piece of machinery. All I have is a couple of dull saws, chipped chisels, and a little handheld Rotozip thing. Ethan also raised the stakes, saying not only does he want the derby car to LOOK like this, he also wants it to PERFORM like this, too.
The car in the picture is a Bugatti Veyron. We happened across this car in Target's toy section... the Hot Wheels version. It is Ethan's favorite car... mine too (the real one). You can buy the real one for $1.6 million-- but, with that you get a car that is the fastest production car in the world: 268 mph. Other bits of candy: 8-liter 16 cylinder engine; 1100 horsepower; 4 turbos; tires that cost $25,000 for the set; a personal mechanic on call (and can replace the tires for an additional $70,000); and, can go from 0-60 in 2.5 seconds.
I had my work cut out for me.
So, I set out to work on it while trying to keep it within the rules of the Cub Scouts Pinewood Derby Rulebook PLUS doing "expectation management" with my son. After all, there is only so much a guy can do in a situation like this.
The result:
It was as close to the Supercar that I could come. Ethan put the stickers on top.
Just prior to the race, Ethan said, "Dad, I better win or I will be really ashamed." After all that hard work, I was given the ultimatum: win or be ousted. After all that work, I was hoping for "ousted".
Ethan's car did OK. I noticed it came in 2nd place for most races. Clearly, I did not have the experience of other Pinewood Derby engineers, nor the patience, nor the enthusiasm, nor the ambition, but for his opening race, I think it went rather well.
Of course, halfway through the race, Ethan walked past me in utter disgust. As he passed in front of me, he hit me and said, "Thanks a lot, dad. My car is in 6th place." From that point on, Ethan began to experiment by letting it go backwards, warming up the wheels before putting it on the starting line, praying, etc.
I think he had a good time though.
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| Ethan and Kenny Karatassos |
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| The Pit Crew Boss |
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| Shootin' for #1, with Preston sizing up the racetrack. |
He even got his first driver's license and his first Cub Scout award.
He did not win first place, or second, or third. Towards the end of the race, he was pushing 6th place. I'm just glad it ended before his standing got any lower. It slowly deteriorated from 2nd place to 6th, which was the last check before the race ended.
I'm just glad it didn't do what MY Pinewood Derby car did. Dad put all the weight on the back, and the dumb thing would pop-a-wheelie all the way to the bottom of the hill, then come to a complete stop about 12 inches out on the "flat". I never finished a race with that car.
Since there are never any LOSERS in youth activities any longer, all kids walked away with something. Ethans: "Most Glossy". Eh? I guess that was due to the coat of clear finger nail polish with glitter that we used to cover the car. So, in the end, all I really had to do was paint the square block of wood and cover it with glitter. Why all the work? I was going to correct the judges to say that, I believe, proper English would be "Glossiest" rather than "Most Glossy", but I held back. After all, I had failed... miserably, and I was now a part of Ethan' Shame List.
Not to let a good (or bad) thing die, Ethan is already trying to determine how the next Pinewood Derby car will look. And how it should perform. The good thing is that with a 6th place finish, my chances are pretty good that I'll do better the next time...
