What We Are Thankful For

Thanksgiving.  This year brought a different meaning than previous years.  Why?  I'll tell you why. 

Thanksgiving Day, 2010

• 4:00AM: I am thankful for a baby's cry.  After hearing Amberlee cry for a half hour, I decided to get up and take her downstairs to watch a cartoon.  And, I got her some milk.  And, I tried to get her to go back to sleep.  While she refused to fall asleep, I am thankful that she didn't allow me to go back to sleep either, as those early morning hours spent with my daughter can never be equaled (thankfully). 
• 7:00AM: As the second run of "Monsters, Inc" finished up, I looked over at Amberlee to see that, yes, she was still awake.  So, I got her some more milk, ate some cereal, and crept upstairs to see if I could get in some zzz's.  I was thankful to see that Michelle had already made the bed, so I was left to sleep on top of the bed spread and use a blanket big enough to cover only 1/3 of my body.  Which third did I not want to freeze?  I was thankful at that moment for the ability to "feel".
• 8:00AM: I am truly thankful to see Michelle walk in with a larger blanket to cover me.  And, I am thankful for the ability to "hear" otherwise I would have missed the opportunity to listen to my kids ran in and out of my bedroom screaming at the top of their lungs, even as Michelle threatened them with their lives if they didn't leave me alone.
• 10:00AM: I gave up trying to get some more sleep and wandered downstairs to see Michelle getting the Thanksgiving food prepared.  It smelled so good!  I am thankful to be able to smell, and for a day that promised to be relaxing and enjoyable.  On a side note, I'm thankful for humility, as I would soon learn...
• 11:30AM: I am thankful that all the milk Amberlee had that morning was not sitting well with her, prompting her to puke all over herself, the kitchen floor, and part of the dining rug.  Well, OK, I was not so thankful for that, but I am thankful for paper towels and for Michelle having a higher gag reflex than me.  She started cleaning up the goo.  I'm also thankful for carpet cleaner.
• 11:31AM (yes, you read this right... one minute following Amberlee's vomiting episode): I am thankful that Preston is competitive because, not to be outdone by his sister, and as Michelle was wiping up curdled milk off the floor, Preston decided to join in the puke-fest and vomit all over himself and the kitchen floor as well.  At that moment, I was NOT thankful for the ability to smell.  Puke and honey-glazed ham just do not go well together...
• 11:45AM: I am thankful for plumbers, because at that very moment, as we were using the kitchen faucet to provide us with the much needed water to clean up the puke, we noticed water dripping out of the cabinet doors immediately under the sink.  Upon close inspection, I found the bottom cabinet full of water.  Somehow the trolls that inhabit this house had managed to unhook the drain from one side of the sink AND loosen the sprayer hose, thus allowing water to pool in the cabinet until it found its way to the kitchen floor.
• 12:00PM: I am thankful that Lowe's and Home Depot were closed on Thanksgiving Day-- one of only 2 or 3 days of the WHOLE YEAR when we really, truly needed them to be open. 
• 12:30PM: I am thankful for telephones, thus allowing us to call our friends to say, sorry, but due to two puking kids and a cabinet full of water and a kitchen sink that is leaking all over the place, we were not going to be able to join them for Thanksgiving dinner.  I am also thankful for forgiveness-- the same that I hope we receive for ruining the preparations that had been done on our behalf.
• 12:45PM: I am thankful for teenagers, because we finally saw our teenager emerge from her beauty sleep at that moment to grace us with her presence and ask us what she could do to help, and then sarcastically respond to us with prolonged sighs and eyes that appeared to roll out of her head for everything we asked her to do.  Coincidentally, I am also thankful for the punishment of "grounding", which we promptly used after 30 minutes of trying to deal with her.
• 12:47PM: I am thankful to be able to declare: "THANKSGIVING HAS BEEN CANCELLED!"  But, I'm also thankful for a wife that doesn't listen to me. 
• 12:50PM: I am thankful for dishwasher soap... the same that was contained in a box that had been pulled out from under the sink due to the water situation-- the same box that I accidentally tipped over, dumping granulated dish soap all over the kitchen floor and in the leaking water.
• 1:00PM: I am thankful for Aleve, the great painkiller that, today, was the only substitute for liquor that I had on hand, and the only thing that would keep me from pulling my own hair out or dying from a sudden cerebral aneurysm.
• 1:30PM: I am thankful for cameras, thus allowing me to capture the true essence of our Thanksgiving experience. 


• 2:45PM: I am thankful for my freedom to throw the tools under the sink and leave the drain open to the cabinet below.  I am thankful that I can give up and feel good about it.  I'm also thankful that, come tomorrow, I'll probably realize that no one remembered that the drain had been disconnected as evident by the pools of water collected in the cabinet below... again.
• 4:30PM: I am thankful for a wife that was able to pull things together to keep some semblance of a holiday intact.  Ham, potatoes, salad, dessert, cheese and crackers, etc....  and I'm thankful for friends that felt sorry for us and sent food-- the food we would have had-- home to us.
• 5:00PM: We finally sat down to eat, except for Amberlee and Preston.  While Amberlee was feeling a bit better, Prest-o was getting worse.  So, I'm thankful for popcorn bowls, and for Preston's good aim.
• 9:30PM: I'M THANKFUL THIS DAY IS OVER.

On a happy note, Michelle did make a cake that should have been displayed at the Smithsonian.  Look at this thing!!--

Kid Quotes -- Ethan and Preston

Preston, pointing to a bald guy: "What happened to that man's hair?"

Dad: "Nothing... he's just bald."
Preston: "Why?"
Dad: "I don't know... maybe he just lost it all.  That happens to some people."
Preston: "No, I think when Jesus gave us hair when we were babies, he forgot him."

****

Ethan: "I can't wait to be baptized."
Dad: "Why?"
Ethan: "Because I'm excited to see the pigeon."
Dad: "What pigeon?"
Ethan: "The pigeon that carries the Holy Ghost."
Dad: "I think you mean 'dove'."
Ethan: "There aren't any doves around here, so it has to be a pigeon."

****

Ethan: "Dad, when you pup-pup in the bathtub, why does it make a bubble?"
Dad: "Uh.... Its just the air trying to get out."
Ethan: "Isn't it funny how your bum and the water can work together to make a bubble?"

Kid Quotes - Ethan

Ethan: "What does 'wimpy' mean?"
Dad:  "It means no muscles.  Why?"

Ethan:  "You know, 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid'".

Dad:  "Oh."
Ethan:  "How do he get wimpy?"

Dad:  "Not sure.  Probably just born that way."
Ethan:  "I think its because he drank too much fat free milk."

****

Mom: "Ethan, what do you want to wear for picture day?"
Ethan: "Pick me out something where everyone will think I'm good looking."
Mom: "How about this?" (showing him some clothes)
Ethan: "Do you think the girls will think I'm cute?"
Mom: "Definitely..."

****

Dad: "How did picture day go?"
Ethan: "Good."
Dad: "Show me how you smiled."
Ethan: "Like this...", as he proceeds to give me a big grin.
Dad: "Didn't you show your teeth?"
Ethan: "No, mom said I shouldn't."
Dad: "Why?"
Ethan: "Because the only thing people would see would be my Buckies (his two front teeth)."

I Believe

This post is about myself and my work.

Two weeks ago, my boss called me on the phone.  Without exception, these calls spell disaster wrapped up in a phrase: "Consider this an opportunity."  He asked me to sit in on a meeting that started 10 minutes earlier.

"What's the topic," I asked.
"Not sure, but I think its a new project that we might be bidding on," he replied.

So, off to the meeting I went with a pad of paper, a pen, and NO idea what I was stepping into.  As Clark Griswold once said, "I could wake up tomorrow with my face sewn to the floor and I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now."

Yep, the meeting was one where the company brainiacs were deciding whether they should bid on a new opportunity.  They were roughly 2/3 of the way through this decision process when I came in.

I sat, took notes, and before I knew it, the decision had been made-- yes, we were going to bid.

Okay, no problem I thought.  I've done this before, but all my boss wanted from me was to sit in on it, right?  Uh... no.  Upon my report to him, he told me I'd be managing the offer team.

The job: replacement of 6 steam generators at the one and ONLY nuclear power plant in Africa... South Africa, to be exact.    The parts were going to be made in Japan.  The parts were going to be designed in the US and Belgium.  And, of course, they would be installed in South Africa.  Bear in mind these parts are HUGE... something like 65 feet long, 15 feet in diameter, and weighing upwards of 600 tons EACH.

Expected price: $220 million, give or take.

Instantly, the stress made my thinning hair fall out at a noticeable rate, and all the blood drained from my face and into my shoes.  I had NEVER done something like this before, and just to make sure it would be interesting, I had 1/5th the time that a normal bid of this magnitude would take... plus, I had (have) the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays in there, too.

So there you have it.  I'm swamped in something that I'm still trying to figure out, all being done inside a pressure-cooker level of stress.

I warned my neighbors at work that at any moment from that point until this bid is due (just before Christmas) that they might here a loud scream followed by a shattering of glass and a soft splat.  That would be me running through the 3rd story windows, plunging to my death to the pavement below.  Their job would be to run outside and make sure I was truly dead.

I believe, I believe, I believe.  Hey, I believe in miracles... just not sure that even Moses could pull this one off.

On the positive side, I am going to try a new stress reduction technique.  I've heard it works.  I start my sessions next week.

Kids Quotes -- Ethan

Ethan: "Is Grandpa Jensen a vegetarian?"

Dad: "NO!"

Ethan: "My teacher said we are supposed to study vegetarians.  I thought Grandpa was."

Dad: "Nope.  Why are you studying vegetarians?"

Ethan: "Because my teacher said they are important and we are supposed to know something about them for Vegetarian Day."

Dad: "REALLY?  Why does she think they are important, and when is Vegetarian Day?"

Ethan: "Because they keep us safe."

Dad: "Vegetarians keep us safe?"

Ethan: "Yes.  You know, vegetarians during World War II... heeelllooo!"

Dad: "Oh, you mean veterans!"

Ethan: "Yeah, veterans."

****

Ethan: "Dad, was Adam and Eve the first people on the earth?"
Dad: "Yeah."
Ethan: "What was their last name?"
Dad: "I dunno."
Ethan: "Who did their kids marry?  Its against the law to marry your sister!"
Dad: "You'll have to ask your mom about that one."
Ethan: "Well if Adam and Eve were the first people on earth, and their kids broke the law, shouldn't we all have the same last name?"
Dad: "Mommy knows the answer to that one, too..."

National Treasures

Last weekend we made another trip to Washington DC.  Church thing.  We didn't have a whole lot of time, so we drove there (4 hours) and back in the same day.  It was a whirlwind.

But, to break up the day, we took the kids to the Air and Space Museum annex, which is located near Dulles International Airport, before we made the journey home.  The Museum contains all the air and space stuff that the primary museum on the National Mall can't contain.  So it promised to be good

Like all Smithsonian museums, it was free; however, unlike all Smithsonians, our parking fee was $15. 

However, the treasures inside were awesome!  Of particular importance were the following historical aircraft:

1. Space Shuttle Enterprise-- my personal favorite, but it nearly became the victim of a national disaster at the hand of my 2 year old... keep readin'.
2. Enola Gay-- the bomber that ended WWII.  Again, another favorite of mine... its size was incredible.
3. SR-71 Blackbird-- the spy plane of the Cold War.
4. Concord-- the Air France commercial jet that got you from one place to another in supersonic time.

The place also had a mish-mash assortment of odd items... the first flying car, the first helicopter, etc. 

Hundreds of planes, parked on the floor or hanging from the ceiling.  It was amazing that one building could contain them all.

So, back to our adventures with the official prototype of the United States Space Shuttle program.  As you might guess, each plane is fenced off to keep the riff-raff from accessing it.  What the Smithsonians never counted on was the sly maneuvering of small children who see these things as challenges rather than restrictions.  One minute Amberlee was by my side, the next minute she was running underneath the Enterprise... in full view of the crowds with all the spotlights shining on her.  My heart about dropped into my shoes as I gave her the Death Glare and, with a prominent index finger pointing down to my side, insisted that she come back.  It took her a few moments, but I believe the heat radiating from my face convinced her I was serious.

Thankfully, no CIA or FBI guys dropped out of the ceiling at the scene to haul me off to Guantanamo Bay.  But, as you recall from our trip to the Breakers House in Newport Rhode Island, she has a knack for threatening our lives by threatening national treasures.  At the Breakers House, she jumped on Mr. Vanderbilt's patio chair-- a total violation of the rules.  Now, it was the Space Shuttle.

I think her cuteness prevented us from being locked up forever.

Halloween

Halloween was a bit odd this year. We made the decision as a family to go TT’ing on Saturday the 30th rather than Sunday the 31st. The reasons vary, but it all boiled down to religion. And, I’m not talking so much about us being Mormon, either. In Pennsylvania, particularly near Pittsburgh, the religion is football… Steelers football.

While our hometown of Cranberry Township and its neighbors (Wexford, Zelienople, Mars) all elected to hold TT’ing on Sunday (with the caveat on their websites that this date will stick unless riots are started over conflicts with the Steelers game being held the same night), other towns held it on Saturday. So, we picked Saturday.

We drove to locations near Zelienople and Evans City, two nearby towns. At first, I was a bit hesitant about it. I mean, I had been to Evans City, and it isn’t what you’d call a major metropolitan area. It’s a small town—really small. Something like a couple of traffic lights and a population of 2,000 people, all surrounded by farmland. They don’t even have a WAL-MART (GASP)!

However, upon further research, I learned that Evans City was the PERFECT place to go TT’ing. The film “Night of the Living Dead” (the original 1968 version) was filmed in the Evans City cemetery and in nearby houses. Ha! So, go ahead and laugh, y’all… we are trick-or-treating in the very place that ZOMBIES arose from the dead to devour the city’s residents… back in 1968.

So, Amberlee was a witch. Preston was Indiana Jones (complete with fedora hat and a whip that actually made the whipping sound AND played the Indiana Jones theme at the same time). Ethan was a transformer. And Chrissa… well, I’m not sure what she was. She said she was a dragon witch or something to that effect.  She was an eclectic mix of witch, zombie, and bird all wrapped up in one. She covered herself with a feather cape, and when combined with her blackened eyes and lips, I thought she looked more like a dust mop.

 

But, when you looked at our whole bunch, we weren't much like we had intended.  Amberlee wouldn't wear her witch hat.  Preston's fedora hat drooped around the brim, making him look more like Jed Clampett than Indiana Jones.  Ethan's transformer suit made him look like a superhero. 

 

Anyhow, we hit the big houses, and the kids walked away with bags of king sized Snicker's bars, full cans of soda pop, king sized packets of Skittles, etc.  As Ethan quoted during our expedition: "Rich families give out WAY better treats than poor ones!" 

What did we give out?  Small bags of pretzels.  I guess that means we're numbered among the poor.