Future Bobsled Team

As the recent winter snowstorms finally died off and all the snow melted, we found our two boys outside in their pajamas practicing for what appears to be a future hint of joining the US Olympic Bobsled Team.

Now that the temperatures have gotten into the 80s, the practices are lasting longer than they did in these videos.

Amberlee is Part Dog, I think

Given a toilet with the lid up or a toy, Amberlee seems drawn to the toilet. We routinely find her with arms in the toilet water sloshing and splashing for all she's worth, happy as can be.

I'm beginning to think she's part dog. Only dogs like to get that close to toilets, as far as I know.

If you'll recall, Michelle has a really hard time with anything that remotely "stinks" of animal excrement. By "stinks", I mean both literally and figuratively.

For example, this past week I mowed the lawn. Somehow, Michelle knew of some doggie poo in the front of the yard. I did not. In my attempt to keep the lawn mower going straight, I must have stepped on it, unknowingly.

The poo had been there a while... it was semi-hard. I didn't squish it... just slightly compressed it. I would date it as 3 days old, minimum.

But, the day after discovering that I had stepped on it, Michelle called me at work:

"Cade, did you know you stepped in the dog poo yesterday?"

"What dog poo?"

"The dog poo in the front yard."

"I didn't see any dog poo."

"Well it was there and you stepped in it. Where else did you walk? You probably spread it everywhere."

"I walked up and down the yard."

"Great. And our kids play in that grass. You really need to be careful when you mow the lawn."

"OK. But how do you know it was ME that stepped in it?"

"Because I matched up the shoe print to your shoes."

I'm not even sure Sherlock Holmes would be willing to match up a shoe print left in a 3-day-old chunk of dog doodie, but Michelle did. She should be on CSI.

Now, given this, imagine her reaction when she discovers Amberlee, soaked to the shoulders, playing inside the toilet. Its a scene, man.

Easter Eggstravaganza

We took the kids to the Victory Family Church Easter Eggstravaganza here in Cranberry during Easter weekend. I learned a lot. The kids had a good time (there really was no "hunt" in the Easter egg hunt, as the eggs were piled about 3 deep across the space of grass the church had cardoned off), weather was great, etc. Videos below:

What I learned was this: I think our church is going about it all wrong when it comes to retaining and gaining new members.

Sure, the LDS church is the fastest growing in the world (in terms of new converts). But, even great things can become greater if you apply the right techniques and practices.

I plan to submit the follow list of ideas to Salt Lake City:

1. 1. The Victory Family Church (VFC) had, inside, many flat screen TVs playing a host of different programs. Our church could use more flat screen TVs in the foyers, halls, and bathrooms. We could finally get rid of those huge bulky TVs on top of the carts that still use VCRs.
2. 
   2. The VFC, on those flat screen TVs, would advertise. Why not? I could see us advertising various sponsors as well-- the DI, BYU, etc. Maybe even McDonalds or Pizza Hut. Or Marriott?
3. 
   3. The VFC had, inside, sponsorship logos pasted to the walls, such as the Pittsburgh Steelers and Pittsburgh Pirates. I could definitely see the benefits of putting the Steelers logos inside the chapel, or a Pirates logo made of tile at the bottom of the baptismal font.
4. 
   4. The VFC had machines you could actually buy sporting tickets at, right next to the exit doors. We could do that, too. Come to church, leave with a ticket to the next Penguins or Jazz or Broncos game, whichever happened to be "the team" in the area.
5. 
   5. The VFC had a foyer that consisted of high backed chairs, sofas, coffee tables, and so forth-- a place up to 50 people could relax. We definitely need those, too, for those people who have snotty kids (us) that spend most of our time in the hallways anyway.
6. 
   6. The VFC, to make the foyer attendance more enjoyable, had a projector with screen that would also broadcast the sermon live to those people that didn't want go inside. Why not? One could lay on the couch while watching the speakers.
7. 
   7. The VFC had 2 fast food bars surrounding the foyer. No, it wasn't free food. But, you could buy your little coffee or tea or soft drink and relax. We could also set up a fast food bar in the foyer or back of the chapel... a bag of popcorn could make those long Sundays a little bit more enjoyable, eh?
8. 
   8. The VFC had a bookstore inside-- again, not free, but I could see Deseret Book setting up a small bookstore in each stake center as well. Wander in and out at will. And, when you forget your scriptures, you could skip the embarrassment by stopping in to buy a quick set.
9. 
   9. The VFC advertised the contributions it had received to date on the big TVs. Now, this could definitely work. "And, brothers and sisters, this month, the Jensen family contributed ONLY $20 in fast offerings, well below the stake average of $50..." That sounds like motivation to me.
10. 
    10. The VFC, at least during the Eggstravaganza, had blow-up amusement park rides in the parking lot. For our church, we could do them during stake conference or something... when you need a quick rush, go out and jump up and down inside the big blow-up clown or slide down the big blow-up slide.

Does anyone think I'll have an issue pushing these ideas into existance?

I'm (Almost) Famous

I have to brag on this one.

While driving home one evening from work, I tuned to the current talk show on the radio-- Sean Hannity-- and listened in. Its s semi-normal habit for me.

On the show that day was a guy named Jason Mattera. He is a young journalist with a new book out called "Obama Zombies". The book is on the New York Times Bestseller list now, and Jason has been on (besides Hannity), Rush Limbaugh, Don Imus, Bill O'Reilly, and some others. The book is a great one-- but if you are interested in reading, be careful... it contains some vulgarity.

If you Google him, you'll be able to watch his video clips of him catching high-ranking government people out on the sidewalks or outside their offices in DC and grilling them on all the liberal things that they are pushing in Washington right now. Pretty funny to watch them all go speechless in front of Jason and his cameraman.

Anyway, with his book out, he asked viewers/readers (via Facebook) what they would write on the front cover of the book if they knew a copy of the book would be sent to the White House. Obviously, Jason is anti-Obama, so there really was no surprise that the comments people sent in would be of a similar political view.

I had emailed Jason a few times in the past telling him that I heard him on Hannity and elsewhere, etc, and he usually (though not always) wrote back. So, when I heard the contest, I thought-- what the heck! I have a lot to say to the jerk.

So, I submitted my comment.

Guess who won the contest? :) In addition to the comment being written inside the book and the book sent to Mr. Obama, the winner also got two signed copies of "Obama Zombies".

I might have a whole new career on my hands.